Sunday, January 1, 2012

Traditions & Memories


Each December, I spend a weekend making German Springerles, a soft shortbread type cookie which require eggs, sugar, flour by (what seems to be) the metric sh*t-ton, a special imprinted rolling pin, a flexible schedule and lots of patience. The recipe was brought over from Germany by my Gramma's family when they immigrated to the U.S. My mother remembers her grandmother making the stiff, unyielding dough each Christmas, using only an enormous and heavy clay mixing bowl and the hearty strength of her German arms. I recall my Gramma and Gampy making batch after batch of it to give as small, meaningful gifts to friends and family throughout the holidays. Their process was likely only marginally simpler and less time-consuming than my great-grandmothers, what with the advent of electric hand mixers and all. Even still, the Springerle dough refused to be entirely tamed by their advances, and my industrious Gampy rigged a power drill to be a hand held mixer for the final stages of flour addition.

When I was in my early to mid-twenties, the two-day mixing and baking process was becoming arduous for my grandparents, so I began to go over to their house for a weekend or two each December to play baker's assistant, KitchenAid stand mixer in hand (no more power tools necessary). My Gampy began imparting his knowledge about these cookies, and, as it turns out, life in general, while we sifted, mixed, blended, peaked, chilled, rolled, cut and baked. You see, baking was his job while he was deployed in the Phillipines during WWII, as well as in his "real life"; working in a bread bakery, owning a donut shop and working in the grocery industry for nearly his whole adult life. We talked about his experiences as he instructed how to accommodate the dough for humidity, how to scrape the sides of the bowl to ensure all the sugar was incorporated, how to peak egg whites, and how to salvage every last bit of dough from the mixer attachments. He was a child of the Depression, and wasting food was frivolous, disrespectful, and irresponsible (unforgivable sins for anyone who has climbed out of poverty). As he scraped the attachments and wooden spoon clean, he'd always always drop those dregs of dough back into the bowl and say, "Don't wash it down the drain. That's your profit."

Since The Count and I moved away four and a half years ago, my Gramma and Gampy's health has ailed dramatically and they no longer participate in making Springerles. Instead, it's my quiet homage to tradition and family every December. For those hours and days, I think about my grandparents, their dedication to their friends and family, and the living legacy they provided to me in the form of baked goods, irreplaceable memories, and life lessons. That's my profit.




Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Coming Home

Life goes on. Until, one day, it doesn't.

I've spent the last couple of weeks mourning the death of my grandfather. He was a spry and healthy 90 years old, cherished his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren deeply, treated his friends as his family, and strangers as his friends. He was an honorable man who received a medal for his bravery and service to his country when he was younger than I am today. A servant to his very core, he was known by his retirement village friends as The Chairman, not for his commandeering leadership, but for his unending devotion to his peers by setting up chairs and equipment for meetings, choir practice and classes. A play on words he no doubt found great joy in telling others about and giggling to himself as he told it. The man loved a good pun.

It was as sudden and unexpected a passing as it could be for a 90 year old man, which in many ways is a blessing. There was no prolonged illness or protracted suffering. Presumably, he passed in his sleep. I suppose we should all be so lucky.

Except, while you mourn, you don't feel so lucky. Mostly what you feel, what I feel, is deep engulfing sadness. Sadness over the conversations and laughter that will never again take place, sadness at the helplessness I feel as I watch my father's heart break, sadness that comes when I realize no matter how sad I get, it won't change the facts. Tears come uninvited at unexpected times. Going about the business of daily life sometimes feels an overwhelming and burdensome task.

In the midst of this emotional cloud, though, I keep returning to something that was said at his funeral: the deeper we mourn, the deeper we loved. And how clear it was to me that this man was loved and cherished by so many people. From the stories people told, to the gestures of goodwill from friends and family who rallied around us as we processed our grief, to the cards and letters we found as we began to sift through his belongings, the undeniable legacy he left with others was one of selflessness, laughter and love.

With that, I'll close my thoughts on his passing and leave you with the single most moving thing among his worldly possessions: the Western Union telegram announcing his homecoming to my grandmother after the end of World War II.


"DARLING WILL LEAVE FOR STATES IN FEW DAYS IS EVERYONE WELL REPLY CARE WESTERN UNION ANTWERP I LOVE YOU NORM"


And on the back, in pencil, is scrawled my grandmother's response:

"ALL WELL - QUIT WORRYING - I LOVE YOU - NANIE"
Selflessness. Laughter. And Love.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What the....??? : Things I Would Change if I Ruled the World

via someecards.com


People, seriously. Phones do not belong in the bathroom. They didn't in the 1980s when it was all the rage to have a telephone jack within reaching-distance from the crapper. They still don't in 2011 where it's now apparently socially acceptable to take your cell phone into the public restroom. "But hey!" you retort, "It's not like I'm using it when I'm, you know, going." Yep. I get it. Except you're using it while I'm going. I don't need your boyfriend/BFF/work associate/dog-sitter/travel agent/mother to hear the melodious sounds of my tinkle hitting the toilet bowl. Nor do I need to be serenaded by your cackling conversations in the otherwise peaceful respite of the ladies room. Bag it when you hit the bathroom, ladies. Nothing's so important that it can't wait until you've washed your hands and are out the door.

Anyone else care to weigh in on this? Is there ever a good reason to take a call on the throne? And, guys, is this an issue for you, too?



Saturday, September 17, 2011

Hither, Thither and Yon

Lordy. It's been crazy up in here lately. The Count and I took a short Labor Day jaunt up to New York, then back to the Tundra for a few days, then I had a leadership retreat, then The Count and I left to go to DC for a long weekend. When I got back to the office this week, I counted it up and realized I'd only been physically in the office 2 days of the entire month of September. Needless to say, that was piss-poor planning on my part and I paid the price dearly. (In other news, Peter Piper picked a pack... never mind. Consider this your geek alert. I think inadvertent alliteration is funny.)

Anyhoo. I think my creative skills inversely correlate to the number of SkyMiles I've recently accrued, so I'm afraid you'll need to wait a bit longer before I have anything of interest to say on this, my tiny soapbox. Instead I'll be the crazy auntie of the interwebs and force you to look through my vacation photos.

Much love from the Upper Midwest,

The Misadventuress (with a snoozing Kitten Louise on my lap who's delighted we're finally home)

Chess in Washington Square

NYSE

Down near the WTC site

Inside Trinity Church across from the WTC site

The new MLK memorial

Washington Monument

Words to live by








Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Lysol, Lipstick and Lager


Oh, vintage ads and advice columns. You slay me.

Because, gals, if you're not disinfecting your lady bits with powerful chemicals typically reserved for linoleum floors and toilets,  you're just asking for  marital neglect.

Such a thoughtful employer, what with making accomodations for their inadequate little ladybrains, delicate sensibilities and perpetual vanity. Do you figure the physician on retainer referenced in #4 recommends Lysol???



Fret not. I have but one last little gem for you. Lest you thought the days of blatant sexism were through, Dos Equis has made old tropes trendy once more. And while they're not the only ones, this one just happens to be on rotation right now, and annoys the ever-living shiz outta me. This one is circa July 2011...


Remember, boys: If you pay for your date, she OWES you. Also? I bet these gals used some Lysol.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Sweat (In)equity

You know how some girls can go to the gym, run for miles and hop off the treadmill looking dewey and refreshed? Yeah. That's not me.  

Apologies to the vision-impaired sir at Pei Wei tonight, and any other individual nearby who maybe had heightened sensory input. Because I'm sure that 4 mile run I completed just beforehand probably gave me the following effect as I waited for my honey-seared tofu and veggies:


Me, post-run. Not suitable for public spaces.




Monday, August 8, 2011

The Misadventures of the Misadventuress (Part I of... lots)

Gather 'round, children. It's time for a story. 


On Valentine’s Day, my office hosted a “Love Thyself” Day, where we got to be pampered with such workplace luxuries as noontime yoga, 10 minute chair massages and mini-makeovers. And if you’re  surmising that my mishap MUST have occurred during yoga (because downward dog in the conference room really IS asking for trouble), you’ve guessed incorrectly. You heard me right: I made it through an entire hour of workplace yoga without a wardrobe malfunction or anything. Holla. But alas, my luck wasn’t to last.


I went in for my 15 minute makeover with this uber-cool gal who does runway shows and has her own make-up line and puts Jennifer Hudson to shame with her gorgeous looks. She busily begins upgrading my dismal excuse for makeup (umm… there’s more to getting ready than powder and mascara??? Apparently, even 10 years after aging out of band, I still can’t bring myself to regularly wear anything more than lip balm. But that’s a feminine travesty whose merits shall be debated at another time.) As she does this, she starts asking me about Valentine’s Day plans. 

I start telling her that The Count and I celebrated the previous Friday, went to dinner, blahblahblah. When she asks where we went, I think in the back of my head “I HATE telling people the name of this place...” It’s this great locally sourced, sustainable restaurant called The Strip Club Meat & Fish. But of course all one can ever get out is “The Strip Club M…” and people who don’t know about it are all “teeheeheheehehe – the STRIP CLUB?! Bet that made your husband happy nyucknyucknyuck…” *sigh* So I brace myself to tell Ubercool Lady about this place and say, “well, we went to this place in Dayton’s Bluff called TheStripClubMEAT&FISH” and she’s all like, “ohhh… yeah, that’s totally cool. Yeah, I mean I’ve heard there are some really great dinners at strip clubs. So what did you have?” And I’m all *shit* she didn’t understand that I didn’t actually take my husband out to a friggin STRIP CLUB for VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER. So I’m trying to explain about the locally sourced, grass fed beef and the ambiance is this quaint old Victorian style house with a winding staircase… to which I’m now realizing I’m STILL not getting the point across and she’s thinking the “entertainment” is dancing on the staircase while I shovel (local and sustainable) cow into my gullet. How do I know this? Because this is when she starts to tell me this story about how she and her gal friends went to SuperSkeezyStripClub in downtown to heckle the dancers and “how damn great their food was”… and I start sweating really profusely, because hey, what else can you do when someone has taken this story far enough to tell me about a time THEY disgraced themselves by going to the skeeziest titty bar in town, and end up mumbling something like “heh. Yeah, I HAVE heard they have good meat, buti’mtotallynotreallytalkingaboutTHATkindofstripclub. Anyway, thanks for the pretty make-up youresuper-talentedokayBYE!!!” Then I totally bought lip gloss from her because I was trying to make things less awkward.

< fin. >

On the upside, my lips have never been so pretty and colorful. So there’s that. 



For those of you who are all "but don't you have any recent mishaps to tell us about?" Believe you me, I've had many-a near misses. Why, just today I sent a plastic cup full of limeade (moments previous resting snugly in my hand) hurling through the air, landing dangerously near a prospective employee who was just finishing up an interview. Grace personified, I am. Anyway, have no fear - this shiz happens to me on a perpetual basis, so I'm sure I'll have some shiny new material soon. I'm like a magnet for awkwardness.